Man. So. Have I talked about my brain injury before? I ironically can’t remember.
It’s been hard. Being injured is hard. Being injured in a way that really shook up my perception of self was hard.
Like, you think of yourself as being able to grow and whatnot, and I didn’t think I thought my body was separate from my self, but when I got injured and suddenly I was so angry and so high strung and so…..unpleasant. That’s not how I see myself, but that’s how I was, because my brain was bruised and that bruise changed my brain and changed me. And you don’t want to think that some jerk who can’t control his ego can fundamentally change you.
And like….I don’t want to think he did change me. He didn’t. The experience did. Not only the bruise and the broken neurons, but also learning to deal with it changed me. My therapist asked me to think of what was different before and after the injury, and asked me if there was anything positive changed. At first I was furious. How dare you imply this THING that happened to me could be positive?
but there were positives. I was more cautious, and that’s not a bad thing. It made me more accepting of change. It forced me to work through some deep insecurities I didn’t know I have. It forced me to learn how to be more organised, because I can’t rely on my memory anymore.
I can’t remember what the point of this post was. Anyway.
Most of my brain is better. I score under the threshold in testing. My memory is still patchy a lot. But I don’t forget people like I did before, so that’s good.
Wait. Yeah no I definitely don’t remember why I started this.
Anyway. Onwards and upwards. Smooth seas never made strong sailors.